And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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