does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
