I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You left your phone here
Wait...
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