I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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