My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
