girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
