GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
