Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
