His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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