I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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