Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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