i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
