wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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