I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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