Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
