My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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