suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize