I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize