You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
