Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
