im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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