Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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