one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
