He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
