isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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