some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
