As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
