it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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