I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
