it wasn't lemon gatorade
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
