Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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