She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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