The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
