On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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