I faked an abortion last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
