Whoa Z and x make the same sound
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
