New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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