im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
