I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
