This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
