Farmville is her only friend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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