Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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