You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
