Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
