and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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