Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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