yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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