why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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