I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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