Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude i'm inner monologue high
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
