Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
