We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
