Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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