I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
