matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
