I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
