Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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