Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
