one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just pee around me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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