just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
