I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
