What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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