You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
