these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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