You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
