In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
