i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
