it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
